A comedy written last year about Dume's election to head of Metru Nui, it spoofs heavily upon the real Republican 2008 Presdential Rase. Dume is trying to win votes, and it is about his extreme greed. It was inspired by a banner I saw on BZP saying 'Vote Dume 08'. I loled and this was the result.
A LONG TIME AGO IN A COLESIUM FAR FAR AWAY…
APRIL 25th 5,000 BC
Turaga Dume strode through the hallways of his Mansion in Ta-Metru. His trusted aide Jeff strode next to him.
“Sir are you going to run in the 986,000 election sir you could earn popularity in the middle class,” Jeff suggested.
“THE MIDDLE CLASS! WHO CARES ABOUT THE MIDDLE CLASS! Like they matter, Jeff look here my vote if for that 0.00000000001 % high class population that controls the elections because they are Electoral Voters” Dume replied, he bonked Jeff on the head with his staff. Jeff collapsed and Dume snapped his fingers, two Ta-Matoran appeared in a flash and dragged Jeff into the dumpster.
Nick his second most trusted aide came up on Turaga Dume. “Turaga you know you aren’t a Senator you are just the Republican House of Representative representative you can’t win.”
“Who said” Dume said cockily. Holding up a walkie talkie he said: “ I TURAGA DUME ANNOUNCE MY CANIDICTCY FOR PRESIDENT, I AM A REPUBLICAN, BRING IYT ON LHIKAN!”
Then he whacked Nick, the aide was dragged away Into the Darkness.
THE IOWA STRAW POLL, Onu-Metru 5,000 BC
“Vote Dume! Vote for taxes! Vote for higher class! Vote Dume!”
The students at Iowa University glanced at each other. They quickly went over Dume’s words that were being uttered from a campaign ad. He had skipped the poll but you still could vote for him. They entered the voting booths not voting for Dume.
Place Candidate Votes Percentage
1 Toa Lhikan 4,516 31.6%
2 Vakama (Matoran) 2,587 18.1%
3 Taipu 2,192 15.3%
4 Vahki Rorzakh Unit 45678 1,961 13.7%
5 Onepu 1,305 9.1%
6 Ally 1,039 7.3%
7 Nuhrii 203 1.4%
8 Hafu 183 1.3%
9 Huki 174 1.2%
10 Turaga Dume 101 0.7%
11 Tehutti 41 0.3%
Turaga Dume was furious he went all this way and now he was tenth in a straw poll in August.
“Jeff, I told them not to put to my name on the ballot!”
“Dume who listens to you?”
“THE HIGH CLASS THAT CONTROLS THE ELECTION AND THEY FAILED!”
“That’s because they all live in Ga-Metru”
Dume bonked Jeff again and left him to be teleported by Secret Service agent Botar to the Pit somewhere.
“Bring in my three top opponents” Dume snapped at Jeff, Jeff stayed still (or dead) so Dume bonked him again. Dume waited a long time and finally Jeff struggled to his feet.
“I SAID GET LHIKAN, VAKAMA AND TAIPU IN HERE.”
“Why sir” Jeff asked wearily
“Because I want to show them that Turaga Dume can do it after all” Dume replied.
A bit later Lhikan walked in, with Secret Service Agents Tobduk and Jerbraz.
“Hello Turaga” Lhikan said shaking Dume’s hand.
“A pleasure for the first time” Dume said, stepping on a loose tile, a rain of Energized Protodermis flew at Lhikan, Jerbraz dived and absorbed the impact, and he blinked out of existence. Dume threw his staff at a control panel but Tobduk tackled him.
“Hi you scurvy dog!” Tobduk said knocking Dume into a strange land. Voices rang out: “LOWER TAXES!”
“NO HIGH CLASS”
“ VOTE LHIKAN”
Turaga Dume woke up from the Toa Lhikan campaign ad. He was in a dark cell, Tobduk was holding a MC-47 Toa Rifle to Dume’s face.
“No more assassination attempts or I will personally assassinate you.” Tobduk said.
Dume thought fast.
“Are you a High Class?” Dume asked Tobduk.
“Yes,” Tobduk replied forcing the barrel of the gun closer to Dume’s mask, it now made contact. “I vote Lhikan”
Dume flipped on a T.V. and his ad came on.
“DO YOU WANT MORE TAXES?”
“DO YOU WANT TO BE SLAVES”
“DO YOU WANT THE HIGH CLASS TO CONTROL EVERYTHING?”
“THEN VOTE DUME ‘986,000!!!!”
“YEAH!” Tobduk screamed, he soon replaced Jeff as the Most Trusted Aide. Now Iowa was coming back for more.