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The Tunnel - Review

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1 The Tunnel - Review on 22nd October 2010, 12:38 am

Skarloth

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So anybody like the prologue? Anyone? At all?

I actually think it's kind of gloomy, but it gets cool to make up for the gloom.

I could list species here, along with powers.

I'll give a brief list of characters here.

Kpik: A Toa of ice, he transforms into a Dragon. He is the leader of the group along with Celu, they co-lead together.

Spawn: A Toa of Fire, he transforms into a Panther. Sometimes he likes the quest they've been put on, but other times he grumpy and doesn't want to talk.

Celu: A Toa of Air, he transforms into a large walking Turtle (it's cooler than you think). He co-leads with Kpik, but doesn't like the quest, he has tried to leave many times before, only to fail.

Aderia: A Toa of Water, she transforms into a large Raven. She hasn't voiced her opinion on all of this yet, in fact, she doesn't say much at all. But when she does it's mostly important.

Aero/Soundwave: A Toa of Earth, he transforms into a Phoenix. He usually talks too much, sometimes getting himself in trouble, he has been known so far to taunt the enemies, making them more angry, this has two effects, one, they will do everything in their power to kill Aero, two, they are more reckless, and end up dying fast.

Riglax: A Toa of Stone, he transforms into an Alligator. Riglax doesn't like how he wasn't picked as leader as well, but he has decided that three leaders would be bad, and the group would be half leaders, half not.

Name:Razgriz 1
Gender: Male
Element: Lightning
Transformation: Utahraptor
Combat Specialty: An accomplished Martial Artist, he is an extremely capable and powerful hand to hand combatant. With weapons, he's a mixed bag. He's not a bad shot, but nothing to really write home about. He can wing it decently with edged weapons, but his real strong point is his proficiency as a staff fighter. when it comes to elemental powers, he's quite the creative and observant one, constantly thinking of and trying out new ways to use it. Most commonly, he uses his element to speed up his nervous system and therefore reaction times and speed.

He is fairly strong, stronger than most, but even his strength pales in comparision to his wicked speed and agility. Even without the assistance to his reflexes he's figured out how to use by way of his element, he is easily the fastest on the team and is capable of a barrage of quick, hard strikes from nearly every concievable angle, all hitting a specific point, rather than just blindly jabbing in the general direction of the body.

As hard as it is to guard from his offense, it is perhaps even harder to land a hit on him, as his training has paid off well, he'll often manage to be everywhere your weapon isn't, flowing with the combat and the attacks rather than opposing them. "A slipperly little blighter", he's often been called. In the even he does take a direct hit, he'll take it fairly well, but he is by no means the most durable fighter, but he more than makes up for it by almost never allowing a direct hit.

Personality: Here we go. He's a snarky, sarcastic fellow, and doesn't take much beyond combat seriously. As such, he can be insenstive at times, and often doesn't think before he talks. He's good friends with Spawn, and they share many traits, such as their lax, easygoing natures, frequent joking, and insane ideas that they try half the time.

In combat, he's prone to taunting his foes, adding plenty of feul to the fire that is their anger until it, and they, blaze out of control and get sloppy. Unlike others, he doesn't look at fighting and see a chore, a task, something to be hated. Rather, when he fights, he feels as if it is a form of art, and as such, often spars with others or practices his forms in his spare time.

Training: One of the forms he is quite interested in particular is the Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken Training*. In this training, one places chestnuts or something of the sort on an open fire, such as a campfire. The trainee then attempts to snatch the chestnuts with out being burned. Progress is often slow, with frequent burns on the hand. In time, the trainee becomes fast enough to complete the task, removing the objects from the fire with no burns whatsoever. The result is a fighter who is not only blindingly fast, but also extremely accurate, with the exact knowledge of where their strikes are at all times.

Name: Zarayna Sigur Foireann (last two names almost never used.)
Title: The Assassin Archer
Species: Toa
Gender: Male
Powers: Sonics, telekinesis.
Kanohi: Matatu (noble shaped).
Appearance: A rather short, slim toa, Zarayna is a head under most toa. His armor is like no other; a mottled green and brown that changes color at his will.
Abilities: An expert archer, fairly skilled in the wielding of his powers and kanohi. Zarayna is agile and fast, although by no means as strong as average.
Equipment: A recurve bow, wristblades, and a half dozen throwing knives.
Personality: Zarayna is rather introverted, and doesn't usually talk to people who he doesn't know. He is forgetful and scatterbrained, as well as being a grade A procrastinator. He also has a habit of taking people totally literally; his form of a joke, although few people find it funny.

Name: Mangai
Species: Fe-Toa
Gender: Male
Powers: Mangai can control Iron at a toa level, manipulating/controlling/absorbing it, etc. However, he is surprisingly both imaginative and efficient with this power, having honed it to such a degree that he can use precisely enough power for any usage of his element, and creative enough to come up with literally ANY usage in the first place. However, one of his favorite, and signature, tactics, is subtly controlling the armor and metallic parts of his allies while watching their backs. This allows him to enhance their force to near-irresistible levels as well as allowing Mangai to man them out of harm's way in time if they cannot dodge an attack, or simply to keep their balance. The other only tactic unique to Mangai is compressing the metal within his and others' armor and turning it into hyper-sharp weapons in mere seconds which are able to shear clean through rock. He often uses this second favorite to surprise would-be ambushers by suddenly extending blades from his back.
Appearance: Mangai looks to be a gunmetal toa with burnt orange highlights wearing a Great Matatu without a scope. He has restless light blue eyes and is lithe and wiry.
Abilities: The Toa of Iron is a master of pretty much every single weapon, though he prefers bladed ones. Mangai also is hair-splittingly precise and conceptually ingenuous as previously mentioned. When combining these traits with his exceptionally versatile element, one gets a combatant who attacks unpredictably, unable to be guarded against, and with nigh unstoppable force.
Transformation: Mangai transforms into a Giant (as in, double the normal size), amphibious Northern Pacific Giant Octopus that is lightly armored. He actually doesn't mind the sheer strangeness of this, though, as its many arms and surprising strength give him the ability to take on just as many opponents at once as he can normally; that is to say, a fairly large number alone. Plus, his flexibility in the other form, as well as ability to spew ink and many tentacles are useful tools alongside his snapping beak.
Personality: Mangai almost completely contrasts with his remaining comrade, Razgriz. Where 'Raz' can be insensitive socially, Mangai always thinks carefully when talking to others before stating his opinion. Where Raz is snarky, Mangai is so serious he has never even honestly considered using sarcasm in conversation, thinking it a waste of time and hurtful. Where Raz is lax, Mangai is incredibly restless and never feels quite comfortable with taking anything easy, leading to him often taking things literally and refusing to believe that others are sincere when they give him compliments or tell him they want to be in a positive relationship with him. This leads to Mangai harboring a secret paranoia and to always stay on the edge, planning, honing, ready to fight. However, there is one thing that does keep Mangai leading a tolerable relationship with Raz: Their love of combat. Although the Fe-Toa makes it his principle to shun combat when necessary, even in a spar, with the trauma of the tunnel, he has adapted to love it. Now Mangai is an adrenaline junkie, living for the rush of combat (even though he won't admit it outright), giving them something in common. Should, if ever, Mangai finish planning, end his drills, and stop sharpening his weapons for the day, his mind will still, however, be running a mile a minute as he ponders the meaning of his own existence in The Tunnel.

If you don't like what you are, or how you're like, speak up.

^ Seriously, speak up if you don't like how you are.

-Skar



Last edited by Skarkasm on 2nd August 2011, 8:33 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Adding Spawn's Rahi form)


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2 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 23rd October 2010, 9:23 am

The Shadowed

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Heh, pretty good, man. Your story could do with a little more description, especially of the chars and monsters in it in it, though. You also might wanna develop the background a little more, and describe the action some. I also noticed that you had a lot of commas that could be changed to other things, such as periods. Finally, one nitpick:

"welcome again, I hope each of you are ready, for this time around, I bring a new friend onto the field, I call it, "walking agony", have fun, let the torment begin."


Captialize the W.

Also, I like Mangai, but what happened to the char's weapons and Kanohi?


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3 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 23rd October 2010, 9:03 pm

Skarloth

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Heh, pretty good, man. Your story could do with a little more description, especially of the chars and monsters in it in it, though. You also might wanna develop the background a little more, and describe the action some. I also noticed that you had a lot of commas that could be changed to other things, such as periods.

Yeah, I kinda noticed that myself after the first three lines, they lacked periods I think.

Finally, one nitpick:

"welcome again, I hope each of you are ready, for this time around, I bring a new friend onto the field, I call it, "walking agony", have fun, let the torment begin."

Capitalize the W.

Dazed, I hate all that.

Also, I like Mangai, but what happened to the char's weapons and Kanohi?

O_O

I forgot about that stuff.

Thank you Mangai for giving me a positive(ish) review. Smile

Kpik out.


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4 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 23rd October 2010, 9:17 pm

Aderia

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hey, i'm really short on time, so i can't leave a long review, but all in all, i like it so far, and keep up the good work.


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[19:35:34] Aderia : Zarayna, I summon you.

[19:35:42] Aderia : Don't make me look like a fail.

[19:35:52] Zarayna: The Quiet Light joined the chat on Tue May 29, 2012 7:35 pm



[00:17:19] @ Legolover-361 : Well... at least I have the capacity to hit higher notes.

[00:17:26] @ Legolover-361 : Lol.

[00:17:30] @ Tyler St. Francis : No, you don't, darling.

5 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 25th October 2010, 1:43 am

Skarloth

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Just like another person I knew. Tongue

I'll add the first chapter, um, not a lot happens, but the second chapter is where the action will really start. Smile

Kpik out.


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6 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 16th June 2011, 3:45 pm

Skarloth

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ARG, so everybody post here not, and NOT in the story topic. XD

Okay, so, I guess I'm adding Spawn to this... wondering if I should take Mangs out or not.

OH MY GOD. AERO????

I REMEMBER HIM!

Dang, I forget what he was like...

Meh, Spawn, you can replace Mangai.

-Skar


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7 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 16th June 2011, 7:01 pm

Riglax

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I like this. Please go on. Tongue


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8 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 16th June 2011, 8:18 pm

Skarloth

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Rly?

I thought this was a horrible failure. :o

K, I'll work on a chapter soon enough.

-Skar


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9 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 21st June 2011, 3:28 pm

St. Francis

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Plast! CEO

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daw.

aero got pheonix.

I'll turn into a panther.

-Spawn


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[14:42:39] @ Legolover-361 : Notice the name Tom Kenny.
[14:42:48] @ Legolover-361 : Notice also the Autobot names next to his.
[14:42:54] @ Tyler St. Francis : I know.
[14:43:28] @ Tyler St. Francis : More depressed that the bro who does Fred from Scooby-Doo voices three Decepticons.
[14:43:39] Universalis Oves : XD
[14:44:06] @ Riglax : http://screenrant.com/transformers-4-serious-sequel-dark-moon-sandy-155194/
[14:44:14] @ Tyler St. Francis : "JINKIES, GANG! WE LOST SHOCKWAVE!"
[14:44:35] @ Legolover-361 : "ALL RIGHT, DECEPTICONS! LET'S SPLIT UP AND SEARCH FOR CLUES!"

10 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 21st June 2011, 5:04 pm

Skarloth

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K

WHAT, NO REPLIES BESIDES HIM? COME ON.

-Skar


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11 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 21st June 2011, 7:31 pm

Riglax

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There had been forty enemies that round, Aero had gotten himself twelve kills, while Celu only got eight, Aderia got four, Spawn had killed five, Kpik nine, and Riglax had only killed two. Riglax smiled, “I’m glad I only got two; now I’m not as close to death as everyone else,” he said a bit coldly. Aderia walked up behind him and hit him over the head with her shield, “Don’t gloat about it,” she said in an equal tone to his.

Oh my god. This is tooo funny to be true. I love this paragraph.


PLEASE GO ON WITH THIS.


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12 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 21st June 2011, 7:41 pm

Skarloth

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I'm going on with it. Tongue don't worry.

Is it funny to you because that's how you would really react?

TUNNEL NEWZ: I'll be writing chapter three soon enough, I did number two in a matter of hours. And yes, if anyone was wondering, Kpik's dream (or my dream) actually meant something. XD

-Skar


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13 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 21st June 2011, 8:12 pm

Riglax

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No, it's funny because I want to see how you'd make us react, based on the facts you've seen.

I don't do stuff like that in real life.


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Cleverbot: Do you like Pinkie Pie?
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14 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 21st June 2011, 8:15 pm

Skarloth

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I'm still not sure why I made you somewhat antagonistic. XD

Maybe it was some deep down angst.

-Skar


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15 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 21st June 2011, 8:17 pm

Riglax

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Revelations, revelations.Tongue


Weirdly enough, the last days you have been kinda angry at me. I get that feeling for some reason. I have no clue why.


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Cleverbot: Do you like Pinkie Pie?
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16 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 21st June 2011, 8:25 pm

Skarloth

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?

I wrote this before I ragequit the computer the other day, heck, it was already up.

Dunno where you're getting that I'm mad at you.

-Skar


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17 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 21st June 2011, 10:14 pm

Zarayna

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;.;

No Zar in this...

;.;


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As the opposite of what you say is true, your statement must be erroneous.

18 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 22nd June 2011, 6:28 pm

Riglax

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@Zar: YOU'RE TOO YOUNG. YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE PASSED FROM MNI. MNI HAS CHANGED ALL IT'S COMMUNITY.

THE ONLY ORIGINALS ARE ME, DH AND CELU.

lolwut

@Skar: nevermind bro. all is good. Tongue


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Cleverbot: Do you like Pinkie Pie?
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Cleverbot: Why would you hate ponies?
User: Because they are made in china?
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19 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 22nd June 2011, 10:04 pm

Skarloth

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^ true, you haven't been around long enough.

I joined when Mangai and Aderia were regularly here.

BEFORE they died.

XD

-Skar


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20 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 23rd June 2011, 12:25 pm

Zarayna

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Retired

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If I assassinate Rig can I take his place?


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As the opposite of what you say is true, your statement must be erroneous.

21 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 23rd June 2011, 7:44 pm

Riglax

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...

I'm still active dude. Tongue


We could just have as an old friend of Aders and the team who joins. If anyone is gonna assassinate, it's me.


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22 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 24th June 2011, 5:31 pm

Skarloth

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Wait, what?

-Skar


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23 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 24th June 2011, 5:46 pm

Riglax

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IDK I'M TOO HAPPY TO TELL. JUST GO ON AND PUT MANGO IN.


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Cleverbot: Do you like Pinkie Pie?
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User: Because they are made in china?
Cleverbot: True.

24 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 24th June 2011, 5:57 pm

Skarloth

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...

I'd have to rewrite...

Or maybe not... I could... BAH.

Maybe he could cross paths with the team or something.

... Hm... I think I know a way to make this ALL work out.

-Skar


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25 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 24th June 2011, 6:23 pm

Riglax

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okay... your sig is..

so it will work ha... cool and all haha.

okay... your sig is..

so it will work ha... cool and all haha.

okay... your sig is..

so it will work ha... cool and all haha.

haha


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Cleverbot: Do you like Pinkie Pie?
User: I hate ponies.
Cleverbot: Why would you hate ponies?
User: Because they are made in china?
Cleverbot: True.

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