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The Tunnel - Review

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1 The Tunnel - Review on 22nd October 2010, 12:38 am

Skarloth

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First topic message reminder :

So anybody like the prologue? Anyone? At all?

I actually think it's kind of gloomy, but it gets cool to make up for the gloom.

I could list species here, along with powers.

I'll give a brief list of characters here.

Kpik: A Toa of ice, he transforms into a Dragon. He is the leader of the group along with Celu, they co-lead together.

Spawn: A Toa of Fire, he transforms into a Panther. Sometimes he likes the quest they've been put on, but other times he grumpy and doesn't want to talk.

Celu: A Toa of Air, he transforms into a large walking Turtle (it's cooler than you think). He co-leads with Kpik, but doesn't like the quest, he has tried to leave many times before, only to fail.

Aderia: A Toa of Water, she transforms into a large Raven. She hasn't voiced her opinion on all of this yet, in fact, she doesn't say much at all. But when she does it's mostly important.

Aero/Soundwave: A Toa of Earth, he transforms into a Phoenix. He usually talks too much, sometimes getting himself in trouble, he has been known so far to taunt the enemies, making them more angry, this has two effects, one, they will do everything in their power to kill Aero, two, they are more reckless, and end up dying fast.

Riglax: A Toa of Stone, he transforms into an Alligator. Riglax doesn't like how he wasn't picked as leader as well, but he has decided that three leaders would be bad, and the group would be half leaders, half not.

Name:Razgriz 1
Gender: Male
Element: Lightning
Transformation: Utahraptor
Combat Specialty: An accomplished Martial Artist, he is an extremely capable and powerful hand to hand combatant. With weapons, he's a mixed bag. He's not a bad shot, but nothing to really write home about. He can wing it decently with edged weapons, but his real strong point is his proficiency as a staff fighter. when it comes to elemental powers, he's quite the creative and observant one, constantly thinking of and trying out new ways to use it. Most commonly, he uses his element to speed up his nervous system and therefore reaction times and speed.

He is fairly strong, stronger than most, but even his strength pales in comparision to his wicked speed and agility. Even without the assistance to his reflexes he's figured out how to use by way of his element, he is easily the fastest on the team and is capable of a barrage of quick, hard strikes from nearly every concievable angle, all hitting a specific point, rather than just blindly jabbing in the general direction of the body.

As hard as it is to guard from his offense, it is perhaps even harder to land a hit on him, as his training has paid off well, he'll often manage to be everywhere your weapon isn't, flowing with the combat and the attacks rather than opposing them. "A slipperly little blighter", he's often been called. In the even he does take a direct hit, he'll take it fairly well, but he is by no means the most durable fighter, but he more than makes up for it by almost never allowing a direct hit.

Personality: Here we go. He's a snarky, sarcastic fellow, and doesn't take much beyond combat seriously. As such, he can be insenstive at times, and often doesn't think before he talks. He's good friends with Spawn, and they share many traits, such as their lax, easygoing natures, frequent joking, and insane ideas that they try half the time.

In combat, he's prone to taunting his foes, adding plenty of feul to the fire that is their anger until it, and they, blaze out of control and get sloppy. Unlike others, he doesn't look at fighting and see a chore, a task, something to be hated. Rather, when he fights, he feels as if it is a form of art, and as such, often spars with others or practices his forms in his spare time.

Training: One of the forms he is quite interested in particular is the Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken Training*. In this training, one places chestnuts or something of the sort on an open fire, such as a campfire. The trainee then attempts to snatch the chestnuts with out being burned. Progress is often slow, with frequent burns on the hand. In time, the trainee becomes fast enough to complete the task, removing the objects from the fire with no burns whatsoever. The result is a fighter who is not only blindingly fast, but also extremely accurate, with the exact knowledge of where their strikes are at all times.

Name: Zarayna Sigur Foireann (last two names almost never used.)
Title: The Assassin Archer
Species: Toa
Gender: Male
Powers: Sonics, telekinesis.
Kanohi: Matatu (noble shaped).
Appearance: A rather short, slim toa, Zarayna is a head under most toa. His armor is like no other; a mottled green and brown that changes color at his will.
Abilities: An expert archer, fairly skilled in the wielding of his powers and kanohi. Zarayna is agile and fast, although by no means as strong as average.
Equipment: A recurve bow, wristblades, and a half dozen throwing knives.
Personality: Zarayna is rather introverted, and doesn't usually talk to people who he doesn't know. He is forgetful and scatterbrained, as well as being a grade A procrastinator. He also has a habit of taking people totally literally; his form of a joke, although few people find it funny.

Name: Mangai
Species: Fe-Toa
Gender: Male
Powers: Mangai can control Iron at a toa level, manipulating/controlling/absorbing it, etc. However, he is surprisingly both imaginative and efficient with this power, having honed it to such a degree that he can use precisely enough power for any usage of his element, and creative enough to come up with literally ANY usage in the first place. However, one of his favorite, and signature, tactics, is subtly controlling the armor and metallic parts of his allies while watching their backs. This allows him to enhance their force to near-irresistible levels as well as allowing Mangai to man them out of harm's way in time if they cannot dodge an attack, or simply to keep their balance. The other only tactic unique to Mangai is compressing the metal within his and others' armor and turning it into hyper-sharp weapons in mere seconds which are able to shear clean through rock. He often uses this second favorite to surprise would-be ambushers by suddenly extending blades from his back.
Appearance: Mangai looks to be a gunmetal toa with burnt orange highlights wearing a Great Matatu without a scope. He has restless light blue eyes and is lithe and wiry.
Abilities: The Toa of Iron is a master of pretty much every single weapon, though he prefers bladed ones. Mangai also is hair-splittingly precise and conceptually ingenuous as previously mentioned. When combining these traits with his exceptionally versatile element, one gets a combatant who attacks unpredictably, unable to be guarded against, and with nigh unstoppable force.
Transformation: Mangai transforms into a Giant (as in, double the normal size), amphibious Northern Pacific Giant Octopus that is lightly armored. He actually doesn't mind the sheer strangeness of this, though, as its many arms and surprising strength give him the ability to take on just as many opponents at once as he can normally; that is to say, a fairly large number alone. Plus, his flexibility in the other form, as well as ability to spew ink and many tentacles are useful tools alongside his snapping beak.
Personality: Mangai almost completely contrasts with his remaining comrade, Razgriz. Where 'Raz' can be insensitive socially, Mangai always thinks carefully when talking to others before stating his opinion. Where Raz is snarky, Mangai is so serious he has never even honestly considered using sarcasm in conversation, thinking it a waste of time and hurtful. Where Raz is lax, Mangai is incredibly restless and never feels quite comfortable with taking anything easy, leading to him often taking things literally and refusing to believe that others are sincere when they give him compliments or tell him they want to be in a positive relationship with him. This leads to Mangai harboring a secret paranoia and to always stay on the edge, planning, honing, ready to fight. However, there is one thing that does keep Mangai leading a tolerable relationship with Raz: Their love of combat. Although the Fe-Toa makes it his principle to shun combat when necessary, even in a spar, with the trauma of the tunnel, he has adapted to love it. Now Mangai is an adrenaline junkie, living for the rush of combat (even though he won't admit it outright), giving them something in common. Should, if ever, Mangai finish planning, end his drills, and stop sharpening his weapons for the day, his mind will still, however, be running a mile a minute as he ponders the meaning of his own existence in The Tunnel.

If you don't like what you are, or how you're like, speak up.

^ Seriously, speak up if you don't like how you are.

-Skar



Last edited by Skarkasm on 2nd August 2011, 8:33 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Adding Spawn's Rahi form)


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51 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 3rd August 2011, 10:50 am

Riglax

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I thinking though, if this was really so become an RPG, how many characters would be allowed per person? If there was 30 characters in total, that would be like.. madness. You'd need more space. xD


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52 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 3rd August 2011, 11:36 am

Zarayna

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The Tunnel's size is immense; if need be, it could be expanded to fit a larger number of players.

Now, before we get off topic and start discussing this RPG, back to the story. >=(


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53 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 3rd August 2011, 11:51 am

Riglax

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Yeah, the audience wants new chappies : D


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54 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 3rd August 2011, 1:26 pm

Skarloth

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Mangai: Yeah, true... I don't think I've ever learned/been taught the true correct grammar, I just learned how to write well.

Rig: Yes, the Tunnel stretches longer than 100 miles long, and about 10 miles wide. There's enough room for everyone. Tongue

And, this can be the discussion topic for the Tunnel RPG, I don't see why not. We'll need more of an RPG than fightfightfight, because that will get boring fast and people will abandon it.

GRAB YER T'INKIN' 'ATS, AN' GIT TER T'INKIN'!

-Skar


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55 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 14th August 2011, 9:20 am

The Shadowed

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Nice new updates, Kaze. Are you going to make the groups finally meet in the next chapter? Because if so, I called it >=D

Your writing is excellent, and it's really gone a long way from where it was when I first met you around a year ago in the RPG Forum. Congratulations there. As well, even if your writing ever fails, your epic plot is there to back it up.

I still find it kind of heartwarming that Mangai trusted Teylnr...I guess dose big meanie-heads Zar-zar and Razzy still tink dey should kill him. Well, dat's too bad! Me and Teylnr will go off and be big bestest friends forEVAH without dose foos...

=P

I also think the story about the monsters of The Tunnel (at least, I think it's very heavily implied the story of Teylnr is about the monsters of The Tunnel) is intriguing and sad. No one in The Tunnel really knows what's going on or who the mysterious voice belongs to, do they? As well, I wonder what Teylnr and Mangai are talking about. Probably something serious...I can't small talk for my life. XP


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56 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 14th August 2011, 4:40 pm

Skarloth

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Smile

I'm in disbelief, a bit, that this is thought of by some as an excellent story.

Sadly, no, the groups are not going to meet up any time soon (hint,hint). Thank you very much for the compliments, Lightning. Smile

Well, from the way I see it, I'm guessing you befriended him from a logical viewpoint of the situation, he seemed to be telling the truth, and so far he has not further harmed you.

I intended for the story of the beasts to be sad, and I'm still working out an idea for where it's going to go, and how it will affect the plot in the long run.

I personally have no clue what you two are talking about to be honest. Tongue Thanks for the awesomely supportive review, Mango, I was starting to think this had been forgotten! Tongue

I should start on chapter ten, now that I think about it... I think I'm going to alternate between groups now, one chapter will be about Zar, Mangai, and Raz, and the next about Kpik, Celu, Rig, Spawn, Aero, Aders.

-Skar


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57 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 15th August 2011, 7:25 pm

Riglax

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Hey, what's up with Dark Hunter missing? Tongue


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58 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 15th August 2011, 8:39 pm

Skarloth

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Who, DH?

Oh god no, no more characters for a while, if DH wants in, he can ask for himself... and provide a nice little review along with new chapters. :3

-Skar


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59 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 4th September 2011, 6:14 pm

Skarloth

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This is on a temporary hiatus, I just don't have time to write it right now, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis I'll post here saying that I can write chapters again.

So in the meantime, drink Dos Equis go play the RPG. Tongue

-Skar


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60 Re: The Tunnel - Review on 8th April 2012, 7:22 am

Riglax

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So is this ever going to update or what?

I liked it, it's a... cool part of the forum.


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