Vote Dume!

Vote Dume!
A comedy written last year about Dume's election to head of Metru Nui, it spoofs heavily upon the real Republican 2008 Presdential Rase. Dume is trying to win votes, and it is about his extreme greed. It was inspired by a banner I saw on BZP saying 'Vote Dume 08'. I loled and this was the result.


A LONG TIME AGO IN A COLESIUM FAR FAR AWAY…
APRIL 25th 5,000 BC
Turaga Dume strode through the hallways of his Mansion in Ta-Metru. His trusted aide Jeff strode next to him.

“Sir are you going to run in the 986,000 election sir you could earn popularity in the middle class,” Jeff suggested.

“THE MIDDLE CLASS! WHO CARES ABOUT THE MIDDLE CLASS! Like they matter, Jeff look here my vote if for that 0.00000000001 % high class population that controls the elections because they are Electoral Voters” Dume replied, he bonked Jeff on the head with his staff. Jeff collapsed and Dume snapped his fingers, two Ta-Matoran appeared in a flash and dragged Jeff into the dumpster.

Nick his second most trusted aide came up on Turaga Dume. “Turaga you know you aren’t a Senator you are just the Republican House of Representative representative you can’t win.”

“Who said” Dume said cockily. Holding up a walkie talkie he said: “ I TURAGA DUME ANNOUNCE MY CANIDICTCY FOR PRESIDENT, I AM A REPUBLICAN, BRING IYT ON LHIKAN!”

Then he whacked Nick, the aide was dragged away Into the Darkness.
THE IOWA STRAW POLL, Onu-Metru 5,000 BC
“Vote Dume! Vote for taxes! Vote for higher class! Vote Dume!”

The students at Iowa University glanced at each other. They quickly went over Dume’s words that were being uttered from a campaign ad. He had skipped the poll but you still could vote for him. They entered the voting booths not voting for Dume.

Place Candidate Votes Percentage
1 Toa Lhikan 4,516 31.6%
2 Vakama (Matoran) 2,587 18.1%
3 Taipu 2,192 15.3%
4 Vahki Rorzakh Unit 45678 1,961 13.7%
5 Onepu 1,305 9.1%
6 Ally 1,039 7.3%
7 Nuhrii 203 1.4%
8 Hafu 183 1.3%
9 Huki 174 1.2%
10 Turaga Dume 101 0.7%
11 Tehutti 41 0.3%

Turaga Dume was furious he went all this way and now he was tenth in a straw poll in August.

“Jeff, I told them not to put to my name on the ballot!”

“Dume who listens to you?”

“THE HIGH CLASS THAT CONTROLS THE ELECTION AND THEY FAILED!”

“That’s because they all live in Ga-Metru”

“DARN!”

Dume bonked Jeff again and left him to be teleported by Secret Service agent Botar to the Pit somewhere.

“Bring in my three top opponents” Dume snapped at Jeff, Jeff stayed still (or dead) so Dume bonked him again. Dume waited a long time and finally Jeff struggled to his feet.

“I SAID GET LHIKAN, VAKAMA AND TAIPU IN HERE.”

“Why sir” Jeff asked wearily

“Because I want to show them that Turaga Dume can do it after all” Dume replied.

A bit later Lhikan walked in, with Secret Service Agents Tobduk and Jerbraz.

“Hello Turaga” Lhikan said shaking Dume’s hand.

“A pleasure for the first time” Dume said, stepping on a loose tile, a rain of Energized Protodermis flew at Lhikan, Jerbraz dived and absorbed the impact, and he blinked out of existence. Dume threw his staff at a control panel but Tobduk tackled him.

“Hi you scurvy dog!” Tobduk said knocking Dume into a strange land. Voices rang out: “LOWER TAXES!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

“NO EARMARKS”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

“NO HIGH CLASS”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

“ VOTE LHIKAN”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO”

Turaga Dume woke up from the Toa Lhikan campaign ad. He was in a dark cell, Tobduk was holding a MC-47 Toa Rifle to Dume’s face.

“No more assassination attempts or I will personally assassinate you.” Tobduk said.

Dume thought fast.

“Are you a High Class?” Dume asked Tobduk.

“Yes,” Tobduk replied forcing the barrel of the gun closer to Dume’s mask, it now made contact. “I vote Lhikan”

Dume flipped on a T.V. and his ad came on.

“DO YOU WANT MORE TAXES?”

“YEAH!”

“DO YOU WANT TO BE SLAVES”

“YEAH!”

“DO YOU WANT THE HIGH CLASS TO CONTROL EVERYTHING?”

“YEAH!”

“THEN VOTE DUME ‘986,000!!!!”

“YEAH!” Tobduk screamed, he soon replaced Jeff as the Most Trusted Aide. Now Iowa was coming back for more.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KO-METRU, New Hampshire Rally 5,000 BC
“DO YOU WANT DUME!” Turaga Dume yelled into the sea of Ko-Matoran.

“NO!” They all yelled back ending Dume’s speech. The wave of liberals swarmed Dume banging him with icicles; Dume melted a Knowledge Tower base and the 1,000-foot tower crashed on the Ko-Matoran.

“No Tax Breaks for you.” Dume said, he jumped into his Dume mobile and Tobduk drove him a few feet to a small abandoned shack.

“Tax break for you” Dume said to Tobduk, Tobduk gave a thumb up and drove away. Dume entered the shack, witch blinked out of existence. Inside a Makuta stepped out and shook his hand.

“Dume, always a pleasure,” Teridax said shaking Dume’s hand. Dume badly shaken could only muster:

“Tax break for you”

Dume then jumped out of the door and found himself freefalling over the Coliseum, the shack flew higher above him. Then suddenly he hit the top of the Coliseum. Wearily he noticed a giant VOTE LHIKAN poster had been put up facing Ta-Metru.

“The fiend!” Dume said. He tried to scale the poster to get up to the top of the Coliseum and take the elevator down. He would save 5 Widgets then if he fell. He tried to scale but lost his footing, the poster crinkled right under him. He looked to his left to try to see if he could try to scale over to grab the support. He didn’t see any support, just the poster falling to the arena.

“Oh, no.”
***
Down in the Coliseum Arena it was the Metru Nui Rockies against the Nynrah Iron Socks in the World Series of Alkini. The game was deadlocked at 100-100 both brilliant teams trying to win in the last 20 seconds. Huki of Metru Nui had the disk and was zooming at the Iron Socks’ goal. The clock ticked down to 7 seconds before overtime. Huki had the big burly goalie in his sights he was about to press the trigger when his vision turned black and he fell of his flying transport and down into the barrel rings below.

The poster had falling over the arena; Dume was alive and scrambling for the elevator hopping on the obstacles trying to not lose 5 widgets. He bounded past a stunned Huki and saw the elevator he bounded down the arena floor. He jumped at the open elevator door and jumped in he pressed the only button, up and the up went the elevator.

“YES!” Dume yelled, “I saved 5 widgets!”

Then the elevator hit a snag in the Lhikan Poster, it stopped.

“Oh, no”

The Elevator skidded above the poster and stopped it then detached and started falling, Dume pressed eject and he flew out of the elevator on to the poster top. He did an amazing roll and landed. A Ko-Matoran walked up to him.

“Whoa, nice landing Dume” he said.

“I did a Barrel Roll”

“By pressing L or R?”

“Yup. Those were the eject buttons on the elevator”

“Rad. I am so voting for a President who can do Barrel Roll.”

“Thanks”

Suddenly the poster went down to the floor where they were standing, they got launched up into the air over the Coliseum, Dume grabbed the Matoran and did a Barrel Roll over Po-Metru. Everyone saw and cheered, Dume was making a comeback. He landed next to his limo and hopped in, Iowa was ahead.

Vote Bioran!

Count Celu wrote:Vote Bioran!

Vote Swert! XD

THE IOWA CHIKEN AND WITHDRAWLS
Iowa, Onu-Metru 5,000 BC

2 minuets ago Dume was flying over Po-Metru doing a Barrel Roll with a Ko-Matoran. But he was thinking about a challenger he got rid of. His name was Vahki Vorzakh Unit 1. He was first to announce and the first to drop out. Dume waited above a Le-Metru Vahki Hive watching for Unit 1 to come out. Once he saw him with his VOTE VORZAKH! Button Dume poured a bucket of water of his circuits. Dume then jumped on him and recorded this message: I Vahki Vorzakh Unit 1 withdraw to throw my support to Turaga Dume. I always was a conservative. Dume left him in the liberal streets of Le-Metru.

Two days ago Turaga Dume crept into the Taipu stronghold, Watergate II. Taipu had a very strong showing in the Straw Poll and was a key competitor. Dume broke into the treasury and saw that a 10,000-dollar bank note was there along with 99 cents. Dume took the money and left Taipu headquarters in Iowa. Later Taipu opened the safe and not seeing any money declared no one supported in him, even in Iowa. He then declared that he was withdrawing due to lack of funds. The next day Dume who forced him to endorse Dume’s campaign sprang up on him and said he forged checks. Dume got Taipu’s only supporter who had given him all that money, but he had been on Dume’s side for 3 days now.

PRESENT
Tobduk stepped on the gas; a sedan was in hot pursuit of him, Dume and a Ko-Matoran. The driver was identified with his super secret camera as a giant ‘chicken’ and was wearing an unidentified sign around his waist. He had been following Dume for hours but was not identified as a chicken.

“Tobduk, lose him!” Dume yelled.

“I’m trying but he’s too fast” Tobduk replied trying to avoid the chicken.

“Do a Barrel Roll!” The Ko-Matoran said.

A plan formed in Dume’s mind, he smiled as he thought about the chicken’s fate. He looked out of his rear view mirror and saw the chicken coming up behind him. He unbuckled, opened the door and did a barrel roll straight out. The chicken never saw him coming. He shattered the driver’s window and punched the chicken.

“YOU BALKED IN THE STRAW POLL” The Chicken said “BA-CAW!”

“Huh?” Dume said

*flashback in Dume’s mind*
Turaga Dume was furious he went all this way and now he was tenth in a straw poll in August.

“Jeff, I told them not to put to my name on the ballot!”

“Dume who listens to you?”

“THE HIGH CLASS THAT CONTROLS THE ELECTION AND THEY FAILED!”

“That’s because they all live in Ga-Metru”

“DARN!”
*flashback in Dume’s mind ends*

“YOU BALKED! BA-CAW! NO STRAW POLL! BA-CAW! YOU AND HAFU! BA-CAW!” The Iowa Chicken said still driving he sedan.

“I didn’t see you polling” Dume said calmly.

“I DON’T LIVE IN IOWA! BA-CAW!”

“You live in Arizona”

“How did you—I mean NO I DON’T”

“Jeff, shut up”

“I AM THE IOWA CHICKEN!”

“In a Vote Dume ’08 button”

“NO! Wait, I took this off, BA-CAW!”

Dume ripped the headpiece off revealing Jeff’s fear stricken head. Dume did a Barrel Roll and knocked Jeff off his seat. Jeff barrel rolled to the trunk and took out a grappling hook, he launched it through the shattered drivers window, it hooked onto the Dume limo and the 50-seat car swung at the sedan. Dume had no choice. He tossed Jeff out of the car and barrel rolled back into his limo. Tobduk then sniped Jeff and they drove away.