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Mata Nui Inc. | Plast! » Creative Outlet » Library » Epics » Fire In The Blood Review Topic

Fire In The Blood Review Topic

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1Fire In The Blood Review Topic Empty Fire In The Blood Review Topic 7th April 2012, 7:27 am

Dov Kayranslayer

Dov Kayranslayer

MNI Author

MNI Author

Yeah, so, although I'm relatively certain nobody's going to bother reviewing, I wouldn't mind a few reviews for the epic. And, I've also got this:

Credits, Thank Yous, and Dammit I'm Sorrys
Firstly, one big thank you to all the members and associates of the Badass Crew, and my gang in Vilnius (you know who you are, even if you're bound to not read this). Another thank you goes out to all my friends off at BZPower, and all my friends in reality, and to all my former and future girlfriends for having a terrible taste in guys. Lastly, a big thank you to the makers of the computer game Dark Messiah: Might and Magic, which quite a bit inspired me while writing this. All you folk rock.

2Fire In The Blood Review Topic Empty Re: Fire In The Blood Review Topic 7th April 2012, 1:00 pm

Legolover-361

Legolover-361

MNI COO

MNI COO

This is a well-written beginning to your story, Dov. I do have a few critiques:

Talk about pointing out the blaringly obvious, mentally remarked Essyn, a thirty-year-old, light-haired, grey-eyed guardsman of the city of Ericlad in the mighty kingdom of Sedhalia, veteran of the Silver War and self-proclaimed best swordarm in the Lancepoint District.

Describing a character in one line feels awkward to me. Maybe you could try changing the wording?

A dark red, dense liquid kept ceaselessly dripping from the bookshelves on the east wall.

"Kept ceaselessly" is redundant wording.

Otherwise, good work.

3Fire In The Blood Review Topic Empty Re: Fire In The Blood Review Topic 8th April 2012, 7:25 am

Riglax

Riglax

MNI CEO

MNI CEO

I see some TES elements infused.

But who am I kidding? I liked and found it interesting anyway.

4Fire In The Blood Review Topic Empty Re: Fire In The Blood Review Topic 9th April 2012, 2:57 am

Dov Kayranslayer

Dov Kayranslayer

MNI Author

MNI Author

Riglax wrote:I see some TES elements infused.

But who am I kidding? I liked and found it interesting anyway.
No. No you don't.

Or if you do, it's just because you don't read a lot of fantasy and they seem TES-ish to you.

5Fire In The Blood Review Topic Empty Re: Fire In The Blood Review Topic 27th June 2012, 6:48 pm

Riglax

Riglax

MNI CEO

MNI CEO

I like the pacing of the story, and the plot seems interesting so far. There were a few segments were the wording could be changed, just because you kept repeating the same phrases. But otherwise, everything looks good -- I wanna see the next chapter.

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