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TM Chapter 2

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1TM Chapter 2 Empty TM Chapter 2 31st May 2011, 12:56 pm

GoldenTahu

GoldenTahu

Their Mistake Story Manager

Their Mistake Story Manager

Here ya go, Their Mistake chapter 2. I hope you like the hint at the end. Smile

Spoiler:



Last edited by GoldenTahu on 9th March 2012, 12:58 pm; edited 10 times in total

2TM Chapter 2 Empty Re: TM Chapter 2 31st May 2011, 6:37 pm

HahliNuva

HahliNuva

AC 3D Modelling Leader

AC 3D Modelling Leader

It looks great! Aside from a few small grammatical errors, good job on this.

HN

3TM Chapter 2 Empty Re: TM Chapter 2 1st June 2011, 11:04 am

GoldenTahu

GoldenTahu

Their Mistake Story Manager

Their Mistake Story Manager

Thanks HN. BTW Rigs, I need you to approve this(aside from the few grammar errors left) before I can do chapter 3, as usual. And chapter 3 is almost ready to be edited, so... Tongue

4TM Chapter 2 Empty Re: TM Chapter 2 23rd June 2011, 3:06 pm

GoldenTahu

GoldenTahu

Their Mistake Story Manager

Their Mistake Story Manager

Rigs, I am still waiting. :/

5TM Chapter 2 Empty Re: TM Chapter 2 23rd June 2011, 4:07 pm

Riglax

Riglax

MNI CEO

MNI CEO

Meh, the last few lines of the ELs sounded kinda cheesy. Too much like a super-villian cartoon.



Ice: It was found on my lands by my people! I claim it as mine by right!

This is way too cheesy for Bionicle, IMO. It would sound better as:


Element Lord of Ice: Brothers, what makes you so sure I'm going to sell this liquid? It was found on my lands, by my people.


Get my idea? Make it a bit more dark, cool sounding. Over than that, this is excellent.

6TM Chapter 2 Empty Re: TM Chapter 2 23rd June 2011, 4:26 pm

GoldenTahu

GoldenTahu

Their Mistake Story Manager

Their Mistake Story Manager

Agreed Rigs. Edited version posted.

7TM Chapter 2 Empty Re: TM Chapter 2 23rd June 2011, 5:06 pm

Riglax

Riglax

MNI CEO

MNI CEO

This looks awesome now. I like how all the EL replied to each other.



Anyways, approved.

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